Imagine you're in a meeting. You have an idea you'd like to share, but you're not quite sure how to express it in English. You start searching for the right words, checking your grammar in your head. While you're still thinking, someone else speaks, and the conversation moves on.
You leave the meeting feeling frustrated. You knew what you wanted to say, so why couldn't you say it?
Perhaps you tell yourself, “I should know how to say this by now.” Or “Everyone else speaks better than me.” Maybe you focus on the mistakes you made and forget the things you communicated successfully.
The way you talk to yourself can influence the way you use English. When your inner voice is critical, it can make speaking even more difficult. You may hesitate, hold back or worry more about getting things wrong than about sharing your ideas.
So, what do you say to yourself when you struggle to express yourself in English? And how does that inner conversation affect the way you communicate at work?
How negative self-talk affects the way you use English
The thoughts you have about your English can influence how you feel and behave when you speak it.
Imagine telling yourself, “I always make mistakes.” Before you even open your mouth, you're already expecting something to go wrong. You may spend more time checking your grammar, searching for the perfect word or worrying about how you sound. And while you're busy doing all this, it becomes harder to focus on what you actually want to communicate.
Perhaps you recognise another pattern. You compare yourself with colleagues who seem to speak effortlessly and think, “Everyone else speaks better than me.” You become more aware of what you struggle with and less aware of what you can already do. Even when you communicate your ideas successfully, you may leave a meeting thinking about the one sentence you could have expressed better.
Negative self-talk can also influence the decisions you make. You might keep quiet when you have something to contribute, avoid giving a presentation or prepare every sentence in advance because spontaneous speaking seems too risky.
Over time, these habits can mean fewer opportunities to practise, experiment and discover what you're capable of expressing in English.
Of course, negative thoughts aren't the only reason speaking can be difficult. You may genuinely need more vocabulary, pronunciation practice or time to develop your fluency. But the way you respond to these challenges can make a difference.
When you're focused on everything you might get wrong, it becomes harder to concentrate on what you want to say.
Recognising this connection is a useful first step towards developing a more supportive relationship with your English.
Where does negative self-talk come from?
The way you talk to yourself about your English often develops over time. Your experiences of learning other languages, the feedback you've received and the expectations you place on yourself can all influence how you see your abilities.
Perhaps you remember a teacher correcting your mistakes in front of the class, or a moment when you struggled to answer a question and felt embarrassed. Maybe you've spent years comparing yourself with colleagues who seem to speak English more easily than you do.
Your professional life can play a part, too. You're experienced in your field. You know your job, you make decisions, and you communicate complex ideas with confidence in your first language. Yet, when you speak English, you may find yourself searching for words or struggling to express an idea as clearly as you'd like. The contrast can be frustrating, especially when you're used to feeling competent at work.
Over time, experiences like these can contribute to beliefs such as “I'm bad at languages”, “I should be better by now” or “My English isn't good enough”. The more often you repeat these messages to yourself, the more familiar they can become.
You may eventually accept them as facts without questioning whether they accurately describe your abilities today.
Understanding where your negative self-talk comes from can help you see it differently. You can acknowledge the experiences that shaped it while recognising that they don't have to determine how you approach English now.
How to recognise your inner critic
Before you can change the way you talk to yourself, you need to notice what you're saying. This sounds simple, but negative self-talk can become so familiar that you hardly recognise it anymore.
Your inner critic might show up before, during or after a conversation in English.
Before a meeting, you might think, “I hope nobody asks me a question I can't answer.”
When you're speaking, you might tell yourself, “That wasn't the right word. Now they'll think I don't know what I'm talking about.”
And after the meeting, you might focus on everything you wish you'd said differently, rather than the ideas you managed to communicate.
Do any of these situations sound familiar?
One way to recognise your inner critic is to pay attention to the thoughts that come up when you feel uncomfortable or uncertain about your English. Notice what you tell yourself when you can't find a word, make a mistake or struggle to understand someone.
Then ask yourself three simple questions:
What am I saying to myself? Try to identify the thought without judging yourself for having it.
How does this thought affect me? Does it make you feel anxious, frustrated or less willing to speak?
Is this thought helping me communicate? Does it help you find a way forward, or does it make the situation feel even more difficult?
You don't need to challenge every thought or find an alternative straight away. For now, simply noticing the pattern is enough.
You may discover that you repeat the same messages in different situations: “I should know this by now”, “I always make mistakes” or “My English isn't good enough.”
Recognising these patterns gives you an opportunity to respond differently. Instead of automatically accepting every critical thought as the truth, you can pause and consider what you actually need in that moment.
Perhaps you need a moment to think, a different way to express your idea or simply a reminder that making mistakes is part of learning.
Your inner critic may have a familiar voice, but you don't have to let it decide how you use your English.
Find a more supportive way to talk to yourself
Once you start recognising your inner critic, you can begin to change the way you respond to it. You don’t need to eliminate every negative thought or convince yourself that your English is perfect. The aim is to find a more helpful and balanced way of looking at the situation.
Imagine you're in a meeting and can't find the word you need. Your first thought might be, “I should know this word. Why can't I remember it?”
You could try responding differently: “I'm having trouble finding the word right now. I'll try to explain it another way.”
Notice the difference? The first thought focuses on what you should be able to do. The second helps you focus on what you can do next.
Here are some other examples you might recognise:
Instead of “Everyone else speaks better than me,” try “Everyone has different strengths. I can focus on expressing my own ideas.”
Instead of “Everyone else speaks better than me,” try “Everyone has different strengths. I can focus on expressing my own ideas.”
Instead of “I always make mistakes,” try “I sometimes make mistakes, and I can learn from them.”
Instead of “My English isn't good enough for this meeting,” try “I have ideas and experience to share. I can use the English I have.” |
Instead of “I should have understood that,” try “I didn't catch everything. I can ask for clarification.”
Instead of “I'll speak when my English is better,” try “I can start speaking now and keep improving as I go.” |
You might find some of these alternative thoughts more natural than others. Choose words that feel believable to you. If telling yourself “I'm a brilliant English speaker” feels unrealistic, there's no need to say it. A simple “I can take my time” or “I'll find another way to explain it” may be much more helpful.
One way to approach this is to imagine what you'd say to a colleague who was struggling with something difficult. You'd probably give them time to think, recognise the effort they were making and help them find a way forward. You can offer yourself the same patience and encouragement.
This doesn't mean ignoring mistakes or giving up on improving your English ☝🏻. You can recognise where you need more practice while appreciating what you already do well.
You can be ambitious about your English and kind to yourself at the same time. In fact, treating yourself with kindness can make it easier to keep practising, learn from experience and take the next step, even when speaking feels challenging.
One practical exercise to try
The next time you find speaking English difficult, take a moment to notice what's going through your mind. You don't need to change your thoughts immediately. Start by becoming aware of them.
You can also try this short exercise using a recent experience.
1. Think of a situation.
Remember a recent meeting, presentation or conversation in which you struggled to express yourself in English. What happened?
2. Notice your self-talk.
What did you say to yourself at the time, or afterwards? Perhaps it was “I should have explained that better” or “I always struggle when someone asks me an unexpected question.”
3. Consider the effect.
How did that thought make you feel? Did it help you find a way forward, or did it leave you feeling frustrated, anxious or disappointed in yourself?
4. Find a more supportive response.
What could you say to yourself that would help you approach the situation differently next time?
For example, instead of “I should have explained that better”, you might try “I communicated the main idea. Next time, I can take a moment to organise my thoughts before I speak.”
Or, instead of “I always struggle with unexpected questions”, you could tell yourself “Unexpected questions take practice. I can ask for a moment to think before I answer.”
The aim isn't to make excuses or ignore areas where you need to improve. It's to recognise what happened, learn from the experience and give yourself a constructive way forward.
Your turn: Think of one critical thought you often have about your English. What could you say to yourself instead?
You don't need to change the way you think overnight. Start with one thought, one situation and one more supportive response. Over time, you can build a different relationship with your English – one that gives you more space to learn, practise and speak.
Build a more supportive relationship with your English
Learning to speak English with confidence takes time. You'll have moments when the words come easily and others when you struggle to express an idea, misunderstand a question or make a mistake you wish you'd avoided.
These moments are part of using a language, especially when you're communicating in demanding situations at work.
When they happen, pay attention to how you respond to yourself. You can acknowledge what you'd like to improve while recognising what you managed to communicate. You can learn from a mistake without criticising yourself for making it. And you can give yourself permission to take your time, ask questions and find another way to express an idea.
Your English doesn't have to be perfect for you to contribute, share your expertise and connect with other people.
The more you learn to support yourself, the more opportunities you can give yourself to use the English you already have.
So, here's a question to take with you into your next meeting or conversation:
What's one thing you could say to yourself to make speaking English a little easier?
And if you find that self-doubt, perfectionism or fear of making mistakes regularly holds you back, you don't have to work through it alone. In my 1:1, 12-week programme, Trust Your Speaking, you can explore what's making speaking English difficult for you and develop practical strategies to communicate with greater ease, one step at a time.